the five dreams

I had my first dream when I was seven years old. I saw dinosaurs dancing around on the insides of my eyelids, three of them, trying to kill me. That day I felt small and vulnerable. I went to school with wide eyes and looked out at the playground for any unwelcome visitors whenever I heard something that could have been mistaken for a t-rex footstep.

My second dream was on a stage drenched in lights brighter than my eyes could fully open for. Every person was clapping for me and standing straight and tall and I was the best ballerina and had danced my heart the most. That day I felt like a hundred dollars and I floated so high above all the other kids in the cafeteria that I couldn’t even see my hashbrowns. I went to school and couldn’t help practicing my pirouettes in the barkdust.

My third dream was me looking at myself in the mirror and I was pulling horribly fantastic faces. I could hear my grandmother in the background telling me that if I kept pulling faces they would stick there. I pulled my face into the deepest frown I could muster, and it stayed! I was horrified and could no longer smile, no matter how happy I was. That day I did not frown for a single second, in case my face stuck. I went to school and smiled all day long and everyone smiled back at me and sometimes even laughed back at me.

My next to last dream was sailing on the ocean. I got to be in the crows nest, high above the other sailors. My only job was to yell “Land ho!” but I got so caught up watching the others interact that I stopped watching the horizon and our ship crashed into the rocks. That day I was very observant. I went to school and didn’t run into anyone in the halls. I stood on top of the playground structure and did not watch any of my friends run around, but watched for any dangers in the horizon.

The last dream I ever had was nothing but a noise and I was nine years old. It was the playing of the most beautiful song that could ever exist. It played just once. That day I walked blankly through and knew I could never hear anything so beautiful again. I went to school and didn’t listen to anything ever again. I ignored my friends and focused all my energy on blocking out every sound except the memory of the song that was on its last echo in my head.

And then I had no more dreams, but lived my life in a dream. I floated high above all the other kids, and if I had to be on the ground I usually just danced around. I saved the other kids from dangers they couldn’t begin to understand. I smiled all day long and couldn’t hear anyone laughing at me because I was listening too hard to the memory of the most beautiful song. I think if the five dreams were theirs, they would have done the same thing. But no one can help their dreams.