grabbing shadows

faded to black and white
then lighter
lighter
lighter
to dull pain

but pieces of you still echo
shadows of you still inhabit my dreams
i'm letting it all go i'm pushing it all out
but i'm hanging onto echos
shadows
of not only you
but of me

letting pieces of you go, i go too

almost gone

on heaven's door

(tonight i knocked a code into the wall, it was a secret code that nobody knows, maybe not even myself. and then... my neighbor knocked back! i have never seen him except once in the elevator. i don't know the exact words of what he knocked back, but i got the message. i think i mostly just know what kind of person he was by the fact that he knocked back. i like to think i know everything about a person just because i know almost nothing or just maybe one little detail. like how he goes onto his balcony to smoke every night and during the day he plays his guitar and no one else is ever at his home. i wonder if he knows my code. i think he knows my code.)

sensible

i like to think about how it would be to be color blind and only see in shades of grey. and then all the sudden one day, you can see color. and how much more alive and intense and surreal that moment on would be, like seeing everything for the first time again. i wonder what it would be like to gain another sense now, and what it would be. it seems like if you were color blind, color would be incomprehensible. so is there a feeling or factor that we can achieve to make our lives more alive, intense, surreal, and we just can't comprehend it?

don't

i wish people would stop using that word i hear the same word everyday being said by strangers to strangers and being said to and about inanimate objects. i hear the word being said between a couple that is 15 years old and a couple that is 55 years old and neither mean it more or less than any other couple that has ever said the word. when the boy said it he wasn't sure he felt that word and the girl wasn't sure she knew what the word meant. and one person said it about the unusually warm weather and one person said it about a movie star they had never met and one person said it about the breakfast they had had the day before and one million people had it on their t shirt about a city they had never been to.


and so many people want it so many people want to hear it whispered in their ear and want to hear it shouted on a mountaintop for them. everyone wants that word but no one is getting the word and no one is getting that the word is just that and can't change a thing by being said or heard. how can that girl expect the word means something coming from the mouth of a boy that just used the word to talk about a sports game on television he only saw the last five minutes of. it is just one word. one word that has been said too much about nothing.